Sleepless Beauty
by Miss Freya
Summary: A Gravitation parody of the age old fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty XD Filled with crack, randomness, sillyness and...well, read and find out
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Sleepless Beauty  
**Disclaimer:** Gravitation or it's charas are not mine, but that of Maki Murakami-Sensei. Sleeping Beauty isn't mine, either, but the idea to crackify it Gravi!style is  
**Warnings:** bad attempt at humor, fairy taleness, crackness, some smutnessish stuff later on? bitchy faeries  
**Author's Notes:** Okay, I rewatched disney's version of "Sleeping Beauty" today and was suddenly inspired to...do a Gravitation parody of it. I know, it's strange, but that's why it's fun! So here, I give you the first part of the story - setting up the plot and the characters.

Enjoy:D Reviews are luffed upon and make me very happeh!

**Chapter 1  
**

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Once Upon a Time…

In a Galaxy Far, Far Away…

Or something.

There was a kingdom, a kingdom called K-land. In that kingdom lived a King, called King K, and his wife, Queen…Judy. They ruled over their land with an iron fist, and a good sense of humor, which the subjects appreciated on occasion when weaponry wasn't involved.

For the longest time they wished for a child to love, raise, and take over the throne once their time in the limelight was over.

Finally, all the prayers and sacrifices were answered, and they were blessed with a daughter. The young Princess was the hope and heart of the kingdom; her birth was celebrated by everyone all across K-land in a big feast and party.

Everyone was invited – lord and lady, master and mistress, and commoners alike. All wished to gaze upon the baby and future of the kingdom, giving her and the royal family their well wishes.

It just so happens that the neighboring kingdom, Buddha-Land, and come to pay their respects as well. King K and King Uesugi had long been hoping to unite their kingdoms and great one, big, giant kingdom, so that they could finally realize their dream of an empire on the post-it market. But that is another story.

King Uesugi had two children – one daughter who had left because of marriage, and a son, Eiri. His wife was with child and expecting in three months.

On that joyous day, the two Kings met with a happy handshake, as hugging was beneath them and much too girly.

"Today is our lucky day," said King Uesugi, patting his wife's belly.

"Yes, it's been Big News all over the land!" King K was very excited about all the publicity his daughter's birth had gotten and hoped this would fair well for their reputation amongst the masses.

But the biggest news was about to come! The two Kings had been planning this for a long time, and since King K was finally blessed with a beautiful baby girl, she and King Uesugi's son were destined to be married.

On that matter…

"Where is Prince Eiri?" K asked, looking around the crowd for that familiar mop of golden hair.

"Ah…about that…" Uesugi looked anxious, causing K to instinctively reach for his sword, hidden in the depths of his robe. "No, no! It's just that, well…"

"Spit it out, old man," K said seriously.

"Well, it just so happens that…the Prince….Eiri has decided to embark on a literary career and has ridden off to the land of York to pursue his dream of writing romance poetry and tragic plays."

K snarled, leaving his sword be for the moment. "I always knew that boy was a pansy."

Looking mildly offended, King Uesugi continued none-the-less, "However! My Queen, with child – if it be a boy – shall take Eiri's place as your daughter's fiancé."

The King of K-land pondered this for a moment; were there any downsides? He'd never been fond of the little Eiri guy, always too moody for K's tastes. Then again, the entire Uesugi family line was known for being pretty, but pretty bitchy as well.

Ah well, beggars can't be choosers, as they say.

"Alright, it's a deal," King K agreed, shaking the other king's hand.

It was then that a beam of colorful light shone through the stained glass windows above. Humans were not the only guests invited, as was seen – three faeries floated down on magical wings to the floor of the throne room. People stared in awe at their beauty and mystery.

One faerie was golden, with a very acute sense of fashion. Another was lavender, cute and spunky. The last looked like she did not want to be there at all, dressed in a dark shade of blue, since black was considered and evil color, despite the fact she argued it was very sliming.

They floated their way over to the King and Queen, baby's cradle off slightly to the side.

"Thank you for coming," said the proud Queen Judy, adorned in a very fashionable robe and sparkly, sparkly crown. Everyone always liked that crown.

"It was our utmost pleasure to attend," said the golden faerie.

"We come bearing gifts!" the purple faerie said happily, looking excited to bestow them upon the baby.

The last just nodded.

"Tohma, Noriko, Mika…" King K addressed the faeries – the GOOD faeries, as should be noted.

King Uesugi approached the group, leaning into the last faerie. He whispered in her ear, "You know, when you said you were going to marry a man of power, I didn't think you meant a wand-waiving fruit."

_"Faerie_, dad," Mika corrected, annoyed. "A fruit is different."

Family reunion over, it was time for the faeries to give the new Princess their gifts. The golden faerie approached, but Noriko beat him too it – excited to get to wave her sparkly wand, of course. And she thought kids were adorable.

"What have you named the Princess?" she asked the King and Queen.

"Well…" King K looked thoughtful, hand on his Queen's shoulder. "We were beating around a few names for a while…you know, the usual – Texas Ranger, Belinda, Aurora Borealis…but we decided on Ryuko."

Noriko thought it was a strange name, but it wasn't her baby. "Cutie-pie Princess Ryuko, I give you the gift of beauty" Eyes shining, she lifted her wand in the air, creating a swirl of light and sparkles. "Your hair will be as soft as a cloud, skin as smooth and perfect as a baby's bum, and eyes as deep and blue as the sea" The sparkles circled about each other, before slowly drifting down to scatter themselves upon the baby.

As Noriko stepped down, Tohma stepped up, adjusting his feathered faerie coat. "Princess Ryuko, I give you the gift of song…" Waving his certainly more manly wand in the air, little stars and notes began to form in the air, shining and pulsing with the music yet to come. "Your voice will awe the people of the world and sound as if it were sent from heaven"

King K looked pleased – more reason for people to come and visit, which meant he could up the visiting fees.

Tohma slowly stepped back as the sparkles flew around the baby before gently sprinkling over it. Mika begrudgingly stepped forward this time – she did not expect to have to be a faerie herself when she married Tohma, after all. But before the final faerie could give her gift to the Princess, there was a fowl smell in the air and a sharp wind that blew through the room. The candles flickered and all turned to see a flash of thunder strike against the stone floor. And there stood the evil faerie…

"Maleficent!" King Uesugi's Queen cried in shock.

"No!" King K growled, hand ready on his sword – Queen Judy's was as well. "Worse…"

"Bitchy," Judy swore under her breath, eyes narrowing.

The evil faerie smiled evilly, looking about the room with even more evil eyes. "What a gathering," she said too smoothly. The Good Faeries seemed quite put up by this newcomer, standing in front of the baby's cradle. "I was hurt when I realized that hadn't been invited…"

"Ew, you weren't WANTED! Especially dressed like that," the Good Faerie Noriko said, looking disgusted.

It was true, the Evil Faerie Bitchy was not dressed for such an occasion, though no one could hope to be more fashionable than Tohma.

"I see," Bitchy said, already feeling angry. "And here I was hoping the mailman had just misplaced the invitation. He died in vain, I suppose." At that, King K did pull out his sword – his sword with bullet additions. "Well, no hard feelings, of course. I'm _used_ to being forgotten, you know. It looks like a stupid party, _anyway_."

Bitchy certainly could be bitchy.

"Please, leave," Queen Judy ordered nicely.

Bitchy bowed, looking cordial. "As you wish. But to prove there are no animosities between us, I shall too bestow a gift upon the baby."

"Hell no! We don't want your second-rate crap!" K shouted, firing a round of medieval bullets at the evil faerie, who dodged them with evil accuracy and grace.

Now feeling quite pissy, Bitchy took her magic staff and began to cast an evil spell. "The Princess shall _indeed_ grow up beautiful and a musical genius, a hit with all those across the land…but upon the eve of her sixteenth birthday, she shall jam her finger in a sewing machine and DIE!" Thunder boomed!

However, the room was silent. This was, after all, the fourteenth century and sewing machines had not been invented yet. Quickly realizing her error, Bitchy tried to pick her up act.

"…and if THAT does not occur, then she shall prick her finger on a pointy, shiny dagger…and DIE!"

That certainly caused a shock. Bitchy was pleased. Evil laughter echoed throughout the room as the evil faerie disappeared in a cloud of black, evil smoke.

"Dammit!" K and Uesugi shouted in unison, for different reasons.

"We have to get rid of all pointy, shiny daggers!" Judy exclaimed, running over to her baby. K's left eye twitched – get rid of the pointy daggers? That was just too much. And it was impractical.

"We can't do that, it's too drastic and we need those daggers to fight and stab things," King K said forlornly, joining his wife and their dear, dear princess. "Is there anything you can do to fix this mess?" he asked the faeries.

The Good Faeries looked at one another and shrugged. "Bitchy's magic is far too powerful for us to undo," Tohma said calmly. "However, Miss Mika has yet to give the child her gift – there may be still something she can do."

Mika gave Tohma _that_ look, and the golden faerie knew he wasn't getting any that night. His shoulders slightly slumped. Never the less, Mika stepped up to the baby. Motherly instincts kicking in, she couldn't help to think it was pretty damn cute.

"Okay…well," thinking on the spot, the last faerie waved her wand in the air, sparkles flying around in a magical way. "While all that can still happen – finger pricking and daggers – she won't die, but instead…will be plagued with terrible insomnia, and look to late night shows and ice cream for comfort and a way to fall asleep. But, this can all be turned around and broken if her true love kisses her." She paused. "And says 'I love you' with meaning, because men don't always act how they feel."

K and Judy blinked. Mika just stared back.

"…Well, it'd be best if all this could just be avoided, you know," Uesugi chimed in. Judy nodded, looking up at her husband then down to her precious baby. Noriko cooed a few feet away, causing the baby to giggle.

The golden faerie suddenly had an idea, though it was hard to tell because he was always smiling. The guests were excused, leaving only the King and Queen, their child, and the Good Faeries.

It was decided that for sixteen years, the Good Faeries would take care and raise the Princess in the forest neighboring the kingdom. On the eve of her sixteenth birthday, she would be returned. Once the time of the curse was passed, she would be able to take her position as Princess of K-land once again.

Not wanting to part with his shiny daggers, and knowing that he would get his daughter back eventually, K agreed, leaving the child in the care of two females with fiery personalities, and a man he was sure was gay, or at least very metro sexual.

The Good Faeries put away their wands, wingless and disguised as three normal – though very good-looking and well-dressed – common folk. They exited the castle, baby in arms, through a secret gate and descended in to the waiting forest.

As an extra precaution, in case Bitchy try to find the Princess Ryuko, they turned – temporarily, of course – the Princess into a Prince.

A boy they came to call Ryuichi.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation or it's charas are not mine, but that of Maki Murakami-Sensei. Sleeping Beauty isn't mine, either, but the idea to crackify it Gravi!style is

**Warnings:** bad attempt at humor, fairy taleness, crackness, some smutnessish stuff later on? bitchy faeries

**Author's Notes:** Yay! Second chapter is up :D I hope it's cracktastic enough to compare with the first! o.o Enjoy the random changes in plot from the original fairy tale

Enjoy :D Reviews are luffed upon and make me very happeh!

**Chapter 2**

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The years passed by quickly – too quickly for Noriko and Tohma, not quickly enough for Mika, dear that she is. Ryuichi, as the child was now known as, was indeed raised by the Good Faeries, his…her true identity kept a secret. 

They lived in a little cottage, made of wood and stone. At first they had discovered a quite lovely cottage made of candy goodness, but the previous owner had taken the house off the market and sold it to a big and sort of bad wolf. It turned out fate was in their favor with not getting that little number, as Ryuichi developed quite the sweet tooth. Had they lived in that cottage, they would have been without house and home rather quickly.

But, they raised Ryuichi in a normal cottage, deep in the forest. He grew into a sprightly young lad, loved to make up strange stories, pet fuzzy animals, and most of all sing. That was something they were all quite blessed with – a voice from the heavens.

However, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" was not one of their favorite masterpieces.

Sixteen years flew by, and it wasn't long before that boy turned into…an older boy. At the age of fifteen, he was already quite beautiful, in all senses of the word. Hair as soft as a cloud, skin smooth and perfect, and eyes as blue and deep as the sea – all came true, just as Noriko had planned.

But with a personality that left them all confused. He was a strange boy. Pretty, but strange.

One lovely spring morning, Ryuichi set out to do some of his daily chores – pick berries and fruits that grew in the forest to make something tasty, hopefully pie. Auntie Mika did make very good pie, and often used it as a bargaining device.

That day he was also sent to a village beyond the hills, East of K-land and West of Buddha-land, and thus where no one would be able to recognize the boy as the Princess…though that would be hard anyway.

Clad in a tunic that covered a long, large-sleeved shirt and those funny tight tights that Robin Hood and his men so loved, Ryuichi headed out to the village, humming all the way. He very much enjoyed going to the village, because his Aunties and Uncle didn't let him out very much. They said strangers were dangerous and that he should spend as much time away from them as possible.

Of course, being the boy that he was, it only made him more curious.

It was a plain town, nothing really spectacular about it. Ryuichi sighed and pouted at that thought, knowing that today would be as uneventful as usual. But his usual cheerfulness returned at the morning greetings around the little town – everyone knew EVERYONE, except for those that didn't.

"Wahhhh, Kumagorou, every single morning is the same, you know?" he said out loud, seemingly talking to no one. But he was actually speaking to the stuffed bunny in his basket, set for buying stuff and picking things.

Whatever those things may be.

Ryuichi skipped on over to the bakery, collecting the goods Auntie Mika had written down for him. Managing to walk off with an extra pastry because of a few cute words and a charming smile of perfectly white teeth – Noriko did make him beautiful, remember – Ryuichi happily moved onto the next store, stuffing his face with the new treat.

Kumagorou told him that type of thing goes straight to the thighs, but Ryuichi just ignored the bunny for once.

"Na no, na no, na no da" Ryuichi sang randomly, slipping between the crowds of villagers easily, onto his next destination. Passing by various stores, a shopkeeper sighed, shaking her head as her customer turned to see what the reason was.

"He sure is a strange one," she said, looking disapproving yet mildly amused. "He sure is pretty, though." The customer nodded in agreement.

And that was the consensus of the entire town. So rather than repeat the same conversation, the story is fast forwarded ahead to Ryuichi's last stop – the dairy stand! Cheese was what he was after, a nice big hunk of manly cheese…

Little did he know he was about to find a big hunk of manly something else.

Just across from the dairy stand was the blacksmith's shop. It was grimy as it was manly – and that's pretty manly. But as the door opened, a tall, handsome, and rather clean young man stepped out. And the second he did, he noticed the bouncy, beautiful boy pointing to the biggest piece of cheese they had, while the shopkeeper was trying to make him understand it was three times the size of his head.

"Now _that's_ a sight for sore eyes!" said the mysterious, but tall, dark, and handsome boy. Girls swooned at the sight as he strode by, eyes on the prize. Yes, it did not matter to this good-looking stranger that Ryuichi was a boy, because this guy would boink anything that moved as long as it was pretty. Ryuichi was completely oblivious.

"But Auntie Mika said to get THE BEST CHEESE I could find, no da!" our Princely Princess said with a pout.

"It's going to be too heavy for you to carry!" the shopkeeper said exasperated. "How about something at least half the size?"

Ryuichi shook his pretty little head, determined. "Kumagorou can help me carry it! I need your cheese!"

Before the poor old man could try the thirty-second attempt that morning at convincing Ryuichi, a hand landed on the boy's shoulder, stopping the bouncing suddenly. With an adorable expression, Ryuichi looked up and over at the newcomer, who just smiled charmingly.

"Just let him have the cheese he wants!"

The shopkeeper looked skeptical, but finally conceded. He'd had enough drama for that morning, anyway. Ryuichi gave the mysterious, but definitely handsome stranger a bright, wide smile.

"Thank you, na no da! Now Auntie Mika won't be—" Then he suddenly stopped himself, and stared. The mysterious young man raised a dark eyebrow. Ryuichi shook his head, then tried to hide behind Kumagorou. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers!"

A smooth, confident laugh followed in a way the young man hoped would be seductive. The girls around thought so, but Ryuichi seemed to be in a different dimension. That's okay, he liked a good challenge.

"Ohhh, we're not strangers" he said with a purr. Ryuichi blinked, tilting his head to the side. The shopkeeper gave Ryuichi his cheese, shooing them away from his stand.

"We're not?" the boy asked, dragging the now wrapped cheese behind them.

"Oh no! I know we've met before in our dreams" The girls still swooned. They seemed to be everywhere, with all the swooning going on.

Ryuichi laughed cutely, poking the young man on his nose. "You're silly! I've never seen you before. But I have to get the cheese back to my Aunties or I won't get any pie!"

Apparently the boy was easy to please. This would work well.

"How about I treat you to some tasty pie back at my place, hmm?" the stranger asked with a trustworthy smile, slipping a hand onto the boy's shoulder. Ryuichi thought about this long and hard, as it was very visible on his face. Auntie Noriko had always said not to take candy from strangers…

But she never said anything about pie!

"Okay!" Ryuichi said with a smile, still dragging the cheese. "That's the kind of thing friends do, right?"

Oh, the young stranger was so doing a victory happy dance in his head. This was all too easy, but so so good. "Yes! Good friends, we should be good friends, don't you think?"

The once a Princess nodded happily, practically bouncing. "Yeah! I really, really want friends!"

Pulling the boy a bit closer, the handsome stranger led them back towards the center of town. He didn't necessarily live there, but he could improvise. Ryuichi clearly wouldn't know any better.

"And _good_ friends aren't strangers, right?"

"Nope!" He was so happy!

"Good friends should also know each other's names, don't you think?"

Ryuichi looked surprised, how could he have forgotten! "I'm Ryuichi, and this is Kumagorou!" he introduced, happily holding out the bunny plush, who was currently trying to throw his bunny body at the guy with clearly naughty motives. Kumagorou always thought sheltering the boy had not been the best way to raise him, but Noriko could be very persuasive when armed with a spatula.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ryuichi," the stranger said with a dramatic bow. This made Ryuichi very happy. "I've been called many things, but you can call me Tatsuha"

Beaming, the young boy nodded. "It's nice to meet you too, Tatsuha! Are we going to have pie soon?"

Tatsuha grinned, casually slipping an arm around his new friend as he led them towards an inn. "Yes! I always keep a promise to a friend. We'll have the best pie in the land!"

And pie they did have! Tatsuha kept his promises, as he said. They had wonderful pie, with lots of filling and sprinkles and cream. In fact they had so much pie it got everywhere.

Everywhere.

And they ate that too, as Tatsuha explained how good friends have pie.

Ryuichi had a lot of pie that day. When he finally arrived home that evening – despite his tardiness – Mika did make her famous pie. But when Ryuichi started to strip before eating it, his Magical Guardians grew worried.

Mika didn't make anymore pie.


End file.
